Cold
by FakeItBetter
Summary: It's almost christmas. Rons not himself. And it's getting very very cold.
1. Did we loose Hermione?

**Disclaimer: **I don't own Harry Potter, or any of the other dudes in this story. Kay?

Hermione shivered and pulled her cloak more tightly around herself. It made no difference. She glanced down at her fingers; they were white. She bit her lip and looked around her, the Quidditch stands were completely empty and void of sound, and yet Hermione still peered into the dark night to check for signs of approaching figures. The rain came down hard and fast, Hermione had long been drenched, her hair stuck to her face and scalp, and she doubted whether she had ever been so cold in her life.

She had came to the Quidditch pitch earlier that evening, when the sun was still in the sky, and the grass was dry. _Ron said he hated her. _She'd waited and waited for Harry or someone to come…she longed for attention and someone to comfort her. _He'd said she made him sick. _Hermione was unsure if she was crying or not; the rain drops spilled down her cheeks like newly spilt tears, or _were_ they tears? _Ron hated her. _

Hermione breathed in deeply, she was numb with cold, with pain, with fear. She was being ridiculous, nobody knew she was here, and why would they think to search here? And anyway, nothing good was going to come of sitting in the rain all night, she should go back to the castle put everybody's' minds at rest, stop them worrying. _Ron won't worry. _

Why had he said that? What could she possibly have done? She'd just been telling him to stop swearing so much and he'd blown up at her. But he hadn't done it while they were alone, or even just in front of Harry. No, he'd screamed that she was the most disgusting piece of filth he'd ever laid eyes upon at dinner in front of the whole school. And of course the whole room had gone silent. At first she'd thought he was joking, but what sort of joke was that? And besides she'd seen the look in his eyes, the look of pure loathing.

This time Hermione knew she was crying. Her whole body shook as each sob escaped her. "I hate you Ron," she whispered, digging her fingers so hard into her hands she thought she'd broken the skin. But that was a lie, and she knew it. She didn't hate Ron, she could never hate Ron, she loved Ron…

"I did what!" Ron screeched falling back, onto the couch.

"You said you hated her, called her the most disgusting piece of filth you'd ever seen, told her to get the fuck away from you, and pushed her over," Harry repeated, not taking his eyes off Ron for a second. He couldn't understand how his best friend could say such terrible things, such awful things, to _Hermione, _when Harry knew full well how he felt about her.

"Well where is she?" Ron demanded standing up abruptly,

"In the hospital wing," Harry replied as calmly as he could, resisting the temptation to throttle Ron and hide the body, no not even hide the body, he couldn't be arsed.

"WHY!"

"She's got pneumonia."

"WHAT!"

"She ran outside and stayed all night in the rain Ron, shit, how the fuck could you do that to her? Do you know how much she loves you?"

"She…what? She loves me?"

"It's pretty obvious Ron. And you broke her fucking heart, and now well, now you might have killed her too!"

"I didn't mean to! I…I don't even remember…I…Harry I wouldn't, you know I wouldn't, I _couldn't," _Ron collapsed back onto the sofa, fighting back tears, _How could he have done such a thing? Why the hell didn't he remember doing it? _He felt sick.

Harry searched Ron's face for any signs of insincerity; he found none. He could see pain though, pain and confusion, and anxiety. He didn't know what had happened to Ron the previous night, but it was obvious it wasn't done consciously. Harry wasn't sure how that was possible, but he decided to give Ron the benefit of the doubt.

"I know you couldn't Ron…I just don't understand how it happened then,"

"Me neither. I love her Harry, I can't believe what I've done…the whole night's just a blank. I don't remember anything up until we went into the great hall. I remember getting there, and then nothing. My memory starts up again in the middle of the night, I woke up…but that's it,"

"Well I don't get it, but we'll figure it out ok?"

"I have to see her,"

Harry doubted whether Madam Pomfrey would let Ron see her, as she'd heard from an appalled Ginny what had happened, but he went with Ron to the hospital wing anyway. The walk there was silent. Ron was preoccupied with thoughts of Hermione, and Harry just didn't know what the hell he was supposed to say. It wasn't the easiest of situations.

As they approached the hospital wing, there was a distinct tension in in the air and Harry was extremely relieved when Ron broke into a run to find Madam Pomfrey. Harry dawdled behind, reluctant to hear what Madam Pomfrey was going to say Ron.

"Where's Hermione?"

Madam Pomfrey sniffed, "I'm not sure whether you deserve to know. Feeling guilty are we?"

But Ron had already spotted Hermione and has sped off towards her, "Excuse me!" Madam Pomfrey called after him, "I didn't say you could!"

But Ron barely heard her, he could see Hermione's face now and the closer he got to her the sicker he felt. Eventually he was knelt beside her bed and almost threw up. Her face was white, her eyes were closed and her usually bushy mane of hair was thin and straggly, but worst of all she just seemed lifeless. He tried to imagine how she must have felt when he'd yelled at her. How she must have been alone all night, crying probably. _I am such a bastard. _He wished he could swap places with her. He wished he was dead, anything but cause Hermione any pain.

Ron took her limp hand in his, "I'm so, so, sorry Hermione. I love you so much,"

Madam Pomfrey who had just appeared behind Ron, stopped herself from demanding he leave immediately, and watched as Ron kissed Hermione's hand and stroked her forehead. He glanced around him, and spotted Madam Pomfrey, "Will…will she be ok?" he asked tentatively, afraid of the answer.

"She's stable," Madam Pomfrey replied briskly.

"That's not what I asked,"

"I don't know, now if you don't mind could you please leave? Miss Granger's already had quite enough visitors for today."

Ron did as he was told, although he didn't want to leave Hermione, he didn't have the strength to argue.

Ron sat on his bed, it was about 1 o'clock…ish who cared about the fucking time? His hands shook; he held his wand tightly between his fingers. His head was clouded with images of Hermione's still body and the memory his mind had created of the incident in the great hall, _Hermione could die. _He rolled up his pyjama sleeves, _she could die thinking I hate her. _"Diffindo," he whispered pointing the wand at his arm, he winced in pain, but he was no longer thinking of Hermione, blood trickled down his wrist. "Diffindo," he whispered again, relishing the hurt, hoping the pain in his arm would replace the excruciating pain in his mind.


	2. Lost Ron

**Disclaimer: **I don't own Harry Potter, or any of the other dudes in this story. Kay?

_When all is said and done  
Will we still feel pain inside?  
Will the scars go away with night?  
Try to smile for the morning light.  
- Angels and Airwaves 'A Little's Enough'_

Harry sat by Hermione's bedside gazing down at her, "Fuck Hermione. Why is this happening? You have to get better, you can't die like this. Not this way. I need you right now. I can't do this without you and Ron. God yeah, Ron…he didn't mean it…"

She was sleeping.

She'd woken early this morning, according to Madam Pomfrey, and things were looking good. If she made progress during the next few days then it looked as if it wouldn't take long for her to make a full recovery, but if she didn't make progress…everything could go the other way.

Harry was no good at telling people how he felt. After years spent with the Dursleys and no one caring about what was going on in his head, he'd learnt to keep it all in. He knew, however, it was far worse for Ron.

He'd taken a look at his best friend this morning asleep in his bed, and didn't like what he saw. Even within the gentle folds of sleep Ron looked frustrated and confused. Harry didn't even want to know what was going on in his head. It was all very well, fighting the Dark Lord, watching people die, blaming yourself and whatnot, but this was a completely different matter, and Harry was sure glad he didn't have to deal with it.

Harry felt a hand grasp his shoulder, "Is she alright?" Ron whispered into Harry's ear almost frantically.

"I dunno. If she makes it through the next few days then she should be I think,"

"Why didn't you wake me when you decided to come and see her? You know I would have wanted to come…" Ron frowned sitting down beside Harry, "She doesn't look like Hermione does she?"

Harry shook his head, not knowing what to say, the truth was she didn't look like Hermione. She looked ill. And vulnerable.

There was this long drawn out silence, that seemed as though it would never end as long as Hermione was stuck there in that bed, and everything was so messed up and Ron was running around calling people he loved filth, but then it did end. But nothing else did. And none of it went away.  
So much for magic.

"Harry, what happened? I mean…you know….yesterday, was I-" Ron was cut off by the sweet sound of Hermione awakening. She let out a little moan as she opened her eyes and looked around her. She frowned a little as she remembered what had happened previously and why she was here…and then she noticed Ron.

She just looked at him. Just looked. Her face was blank and her eyes were glazed over.

"Hermione, I don't know what happened I didn't mean what I said, I mean I didn't even know I said it! I don't remember, I just came into the Common Room and Harry told me and it wasn't me! I mean it was, but I mean I didn't, I couldn't say that because I Lo- I mean…" 

"Ron. I'll explain." Harry said patting Ron's shoulder, he looked as if he was about to cry, and Harry didn't think he could handle that.

Hermione had looked away now, she wasn't even listening. She felt like utter shit. She could barely breathe and she felt so so weak. She could hear Ron blabbering on in the background, but she couldn't take in specific words, in any case, she didn't want to know. _It doesn't even matter what he says. . _Then she heard Harry's voice take over from Ron's and she decided to tell them to leave. She just wanted to sleep…forever. 

"Just…Go,"

During the next two days Madam Pomfrey banned anyone from visiting Hermione Granger, insisting she needed to concentrate on getting better.  
So with nothing else to do but pine for Hermione, which wasn't very appealing, Ron Weasley decided to spend his time perfecting the diffindo charm. Professor Flitwick _would_ be pleased.

"Have you seen Ron?" Harry asked Seamus as the Irish boy stumbled out of the Common Room followed abruptly by a very pissed off Lavender Brown, "Fuck off Seamus," she said shoving him In the chest, "You don't know how I feel"

"Lavender it's illegal! You could get sent - Oh hi Harry…"

"Have you seen Ron?" Harry repeated.

Seamus glared at Lavender, "No, sorry mate, not seen him all day. You could ask _Lavender _though, I'm sure she's got some idea,"

"Fuck you Seamus,"

"Poetic," Seamus smirked, and then stalked off, leaving Harry confused and irritated.

"_Have_ you seen him? " He asked the _very _disgruntled brunette.

"NO!" Lavender screeched, before storming after Seamus.

_So where the fuck was he?_


	3. Did You Notice?

**Disclaimer: **I don't own Harry Potter, or any of the other dudes in this story. Kay?

Harry thought he was going to be sick.

"WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING!" He screamed dragging Ron away from the open window. They were stood in the Owlery. Harry had just witnessed his best friend balancing precariously on the window ledge poised as if about to throw himself out of it. Lavender finally told Harry she'd seen Ron heading up that way after dinner. Seems like Seamus was right and she _did_ know where he was after all.

"I wasn't…I wasn't gonna jump," Ron said shaking and then looking at Harry pleadingly. But Harry didn't know what he wanted.

"Ok. You just scared me. You've been acting really strangely…"

Ron looked away.

Harry didn't want to mention it, he wanted to pretend he'd never seen it, but he knew he had to ask, " Give me you're arm Ron,"

"What?"

"How did you do it?" (_Stupid question.)_

Ron continued to gaze out of the window.

"Ron…"_  
_

"It helps ok? I dunno. I know it's stupid, and I'm over reacting, but if she dies then It would be my fault…and I can't…I can't deal with that,"

Harry stepped closer to Ron and enveloped him in his arms. "Just talk to me," He said gently. Ron pulled his arms slowly around Harry, "Okay,"

Harry pulled away from Ron, "No more hurting yourself?"

No answer.

"Ron?"

"Ok. No more hurting myself. "

Harry smiled, "Lets go to bed,"

Ron grinned, " I don' t like the way you said that, you do realise I'm in love with Hermione right? I don't swing that way, "

"Shut up, or I'll curse you into next week,"

"Oh you could try,"  
Harry rolled his eyes happy his friend was happy and walked ahead of him. Unbeknown to him Ron wasn't going anywhere, he stood in the middle of the Owlery watching after Harry…  
With his fingers crossed.

_I, I can do anything  
If you want me here  
And I can fix anything  
If you let me near  
Where are those secrets now  
That you're too scared to tell  
I'd whisper them all aloud  
So you can hear yourself  
- Angels and Airwaves 'A Little's Enough'_

_  
_It was Wednesday, four days after Ron had unconsciously told the whole school how much he loathed Hermione Granger, but she was apparently making a full recovery. Ron wouldn't know. He hadn't stepped near the hospital wing since Sunday. His arm was now in tatters. He couldn't focus during lessons for dreaming of Hermione. He seemed to everyone around him extremely withdrawn and it worried Harry. Although Ron persistently tried to assure Harry things were fine, he hadn't given Harry a glimpse of his arm since that day in the Owlrey, and Harry knew Ron wasn't who he used to be.

Ron sat rocking on the edge of the couch, Lavender beside him, her arms lying comfortably around his neck, "Shhhh…it's ok, it'll be alright," she whispered soothingly into his ear.

"I'm fine." Ron said, trying to shrug her arms off of him.

"I know how you must feel to be rejected by her like that. But it's ok Ron I'm here," Lavender purred, Ron could feel her warm breath on his cheek.

"I'm _fine _Lavender, just leave me alone. Thanks for your concern but I was not _rejected_ ok?"

"Haven't you seen her then Ron?"

"Seen her?"

"Since she's been out of Hospital,"

"Out! For how long?"

"Since Friday evening."

It was Sunday. _She's been avoiding me. _

And for the second time that week one of the trio thought they were going to throw up.

"SHE'S BEEN AVOIDING ME HARRY!"

"I know." Harry said reluctantly leaning on the side of his bed.

"YOU KNOW! HOW LONG DID SHE THINK SHE COULD HIDE FROM ME? WAS SHE GOING TO SKIP LESSONS AS WELL? AM I _THAT_ REPULSIVE?"

"Ron you know why she's avoiding you. But c'mon it's not like you ever come out during daylight hours anymore. You're always stuck in here moping. I tried to explain it to her, but she wont listen…are you ok? You haven't been…you know…"

"MOPING! I HAVE NOT BEEN MOPING HARRY! I HAVE BEEN WORRIED SICK THAT SHE MIGHT DIE!"

"Yeah, well if you'd have bothered to come and visit her then you would've known that she was recovering wouldn't you! But no, instead you sit up here and MOPE! You're such a drama queen Ron, Hermione doesn't give you her full attention one time, when she is severely ill, and you make out like she told you she hated you or something. Which by the way was your tact Ron, which is what caused this fucking mess in the first place!"

"I didn't know I'd said that Harry! You know I didn't! It's hard for me you know, when you go around unconsciously telling people you really like that you loath them. IT KIND OF MESSES YOU UP A LITTLE BIT! We can't all be the cool and collected superhero you are."

"You don't even know what a superhero is!"

"HERMIONE TAUGHT ME!" And with that, Ron burst into tears. He tried to run to his bed and hide under the covers so Harry wouldn't see him. But it was too late. Harry saw. And felt extremely guilty too. Even if he did think Ron was being extremely stupid and selfish to cut himself all the time, and stay hidden away up here constantly. Not that he would ever tell Ron this. Oh No.

Harry knelt down beside Ron's bed, "Ron I'm sorry. Just come and find Hermione, and we'll get this all sorted out. We can't afford to loose friendships right now ok?" Harry wasn't used to comforting people and it felt very weird, he wished Ginny was here…

Ron raised his head from the covers, "I wanna talk to her alone. Do you think she'll let me?"

"I don't know. Lets see," Harry put his hand out for Ron to take, Ron grabbed it somewhat enthusiastically, (which made Harry smile) and Harry pulled him out of bed.

"Ready?" He asked Ron?

"No, am I heck."


End file.
